Again, this post may be a bit of a ramble... It has been storming all day and I stayed up late reading a new-to-me-old-book that I found on the top shelf while dusting... And it was really good. Definitely God-timeing that I found this book... It was about a guy who had been deeply involved in the occult, but that was not the real story, the real story was the journey that his heart made through his life--and when he found Jesus and true life. The cool thing, is that the story did not end there--it went through his learning to trust God and how to life out Christian life and how it differed from living for satan.
And it has really struck a cord with me... I have been seeing more and more how I want to "work" for what Jesus gave so freely, how I long to accept the free gift, but then be perfect to prove to God that I was really worth it after all. It also makes me happy/drives me crazy how God talks to me the way that is so suited to Me... also the fact that He knows what is best... and like a good Father He gives me what I need, and gets me where I need to go... which is not often what I think I need or where I want to go... which is always interesting...
Time just keeps rushing by and I'm wondering what to do half the time... there are so many things that I could be doing, so much that I should be doing, but what Am I doing?
Well, it seems that we are working on my patience and my trusting.... and that feels like a lot... but then again, everything feels like alot today... I don't think it is just the weather, I think the weather brings out different things that are already in my heart... Yesterday with the sun up and shining it was easy to get up and get things done... now I am here and wonder if I could just go back to sleep.... or something...
This is not meant to be a 'downer' note, for God has been doing beautiful things in my life. He has been teaching my heart to love better and is connecting many pieces to the puzzle... (some which I'm still trying to puzzle out... :)
He is faithful. His leadership is perfect. and crazy of all crazies, He enjoys the journey and the process that I call life and painful... :P
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