Plans and Hydrangeas

The days are fast spinning by... it feels like Thanksgiving and Christmas were just a blink.
So here I am. In January of 2012. Getting ready to plan a wedding.
How crazy and awesome is that?!
I've just gotta say, it's fun to write here again after so long... it's likely not many people will ever read this, but it's nice for me to be able to write my thoughts down.
I'm looking at using hydrangeas (endless summer to be exact) as my flowers... and last night I found an online tutorial on how to make paper ones! I'm super excited about trying this out...
Its all just hitting me, it is real. I'm getting married. We are one day and one step closer to nailing down all the details, but man, it's just crazy.
After so long. It is going to happen.
God is so good.
Only He could come up with something this awesome.
Yes, there is stress and questions about things getting done and details that must be accomplished. But God is here. Oh my, yesterday, I was having a rough day at work (the third in a row) but guess what God did? He played a worship song right there in Kohl's. About God never letting go. And then another song was played about holding on for one more day... it brought a smile to my face and heart.
So in this life there are ups and downs. It is easy to get caught up in the shadows or bullied by what people think or expect... but God is here. Even in the low times. He brings light and stars.
He brings dreams and hope.
For God is always here.
He is always faithful.

thoughts in deep purple

I know, random title. but it's something close to the way I am feeling. True, it does help that I am Wearing deep purple, and it is growing into evening dark.

Things in life just keep on changing, growing, and moving on. This year is almost over and I'm trying to dream with God about what life could look like. I always love to talk as if I am fond of dreaming and wondering what could be--but the truth is, it is uncomfortable. For dreams are hope painted pictures. And hope itself is a scary thing. It is based upon trust and faith. Which are in turn hard.
I'm in this interesting place between total restlessness with where I am now, and fear of the unknown. I cannot wait to see who I turn into, but the idea of changing without knowing in advance who I will be... that causes me to pause and wonder how bad it would be just to stay here in complacency.
But God is faithful. Always has been. And always will be. He has started (in answer to many a prayer I almost regret now ;) a holy fire of discontent of the status quo and desire of what will be.
I get excited when I think about the strange and crazy things that I could be doing for God. About being a vagabond for Him; willing to go where He calls and be His hands and feet.
When I think like that I get exited.
Because He is so good.
And in all reality.
Life is nothing without Him.
So even through the fears and the doubts of the unknown, I'll keep praying those dangerous prayers of: "Shake me, form me, don't let me become complacent. Lord. I'm all yours. Here I am. Send me."

New things and Stuff.

I've been busy Busy with work and life-- life is the bits in between work!-- I will have worked six days this week... it is awesome. My Kohl's is starting to look more like a store! Exciting stuff. It's kinda funny because we already have people trying to come in a shop, but we have to tell them that we are not open yet... I've over heard so many associates talking with people and the people cannot seem to grasp the fact that the store is Not Open, and all the people they see are just workers....

Sometimes I question if I'm still in my right mind... those times where I catch myself singing along to Milly or Beber on the radio.... :P

Water! I'm so thankful for running water! My water got turned off by mistake for TWO DAYS. And now I have water again... so it makes me happy.

I love life and God is good.
This is my update for now!

Wind in the trees and coffee....

....are very beautiful things if life.
I love the weather! I think it has finally taken a turn for the cold and it is starting to feel like fall. Which is one of the most beautiful seasons there is.
The wind is all around making wonderful music in the trees and coffee suddenly tastes 1,000x better than awesome....

Work at Kohl's is going well, and our grand opening is getting closer...
I'm starting the search again for another job so that I can pay the bills and start saving up for life.
Also I'm in the process of setting up an Etsy store to sell my art! I'm thinking about cards with my original artwork, prints, and anything and everything else!
How great would it be to do something I love AND have a supplementary income?? Quite to my liking. I will be sure and add a link to my store when I get it up and running!

So life continues on, each day being followed by the next. Each revealing new ways and needs to trust God. and yeah. Minutes and hours drift by, it is a struggle to trust God with everything that I need to. Somehow it seems to be such a tempting offer to try and handle my problems myself.... even though I know that nothing good will come from it... so moment my moment I'm trying to lay them all down, hand it all over, and trust with my life. Not always the most fun, but I'm learning. Thank God for He great mercy and Love and PATIENCE! (goodness, I need some of that!)

Ups Downs and putting up shelves.

This is one of those blogs... the blogs where I need to think and try to process...
So much has been happening and not much has made it out of my heart and into the space beyond.

There is happy news: Nathaniel and I are engaged. God has done beautiful things in our lives individually, and together we have been able to see more of Him and run after Him harder. Together. This is such a blessing to my life, that I don't even have words to make it fully known...

it has not been an easy journey, for anyone involved.
but it is worth it.

Shelves. I have put up so many shelves it is almost crazy.
I'm working at a new Kohl's and helped put everything together. It has been a strangely insightful process that has explained to me much of how people work and how I work.
It always gives me another understanding for what PROCESS can really look like.
I'm talking process: day by day moving one foot in front of the other.
Trusting in the One leading you, not understanding all the things that you are about to do, but going in to learn. So I have been going into learn.

I can do nothing on my own. I am living in total reliance on God. I freak out if I start thinking about how many different ways I could fail in this life, today for that matter. But I know God is with me. So I will move forward according to what I hear and what I know to be true.

Each day is a new journey that can only be taken one step at a time. But with God there is hope. Where there is hope, there is the ability to have faith and walk forward.
With God I have hope.
He is leading me home.
Even if the way home is walking through the valley of Baca.
I will follow Him.

Another step forward

Ah, good music and the feeling that comes from resolve effecting movement.
For so long, I have been "skating by" in life... was looking for a job, and had not real schedule or set of responsibilities.
 But NOW, I have a job at Kohl's--which is super fun/kinda hard because we are a new store that has not even opened yet! So for the past couple days I have been putting together the store... which is really eye-opening. It is hard to imagine how work is put into getting a store up and running!--but I'm back on mornings, so when I get off from work I still have a whole day ahead of me!

how cute! I'm at the library on the internet, and a little girl came up and started talking with me about everything... like school and what I'm writing and when to far as to ask to see pictures of Nathaniel and ask about my life goals... ^_^ makes me happy.

But Yeah. Life is going pretty well. I'm learning more and more not to worry about crazy little things that don't really relate to "real life." And starting to really Want God in my life.
I always want a book to tell me like it is, to give me the step so that I can be the perfect Christian and follower of God. I'm learning that that does not work.
Being a Christian is messy, being a follower of Christ is hard, yet easy. It is having a Relationship and not following a set of rules or doctrine. I've been realizing how often I go to the Bible to seek answers to my problems so I can get on with life, but neglect to ask God about any of it.
I've started hungering deep down for Him. I know that He is the only thing in this life that has lasting meaning. And I for one want to love people the way He does, I want to Love God with all of me. I want to spend my days doing something lasting.
I want to know what it means to have Christ in me, Living and active in my life. I want to be able to ask God's opinions about things, and spend quality time with Him... not just my leftover times.

I want the world to know me my His love through me.

New Doors and New Everything.

God is doing great things. And it seems life is rushing by at a pace that I can hardly keep up with.
I'm soon to start my new job at a brand new Kohl's here in Marion. I'm looking at looking (and applying) to go to IWU for an Associates of Business degree. (this is a super cool program, where I would take one class at a time for like 24-25 months while still being able to hold down a full time job!)
I am still interviewing for another job, and had one at Clair's yesterday. It would be a fun job, even if I would have to pierce ears... :P

But the greatness of what has been happening is new doors. Having the opportunity to turn to God again and again as new things to freak out about come up. I know that He is in control, and if I will but rely upon Him and trust. Things will work out for good. I've been coming to the realization again--that even in sticky situations and rather hard times, God is working it out for good. There will come a day when I can look back and see the purpose for the pain, and say, "It was all worth it. I would do it again if I had to."

So I get up each day and set myself to trust in God. To follow after Him and do what I must. Each day is an adventure, and more often than not, I end up on the floor after a great fall. But the beautiful thing is that He is always with me. Always there, listening, waiting for my call. He is Faithful and He is good.