so... I've lost my voice. All of it. I've been slowly losing it for two days, but could not stop myself from praying in small group... and well, it's all gone now... And I'm learning a lot. I never realized how much I talk, and everyone is joking with me about how I'm on a forced-silence-fast... and it is just crazy.
I never realized just how much I have to say, and how hard it is JUST to listen... it makes me wonder, if God took me seriously when I told Him I wanted to learn to stop talking and start listening... 'cause this is not Quite what I was thinking of...
But He is so good. Even in the moments when I start wondering why I'm here, and believing I'm a burden on people-- He is so Faithful to remind me with that still small voice; "I AM Truth. That is not of me."
And then on the journey of wrestling with my heart begins....
Every day I seem more and more that if I could just win the battle in my heart I would be happy, and even in the Psalms somewhere it says that he who wins his own heart is greater than he who wins a city.
So every day my prayer and cry is: "HELP LORD! I NEED HELP!" and He hears my cry. Now, most of the time the answer looks like something I would rather Not get, like: "Here is the problem, Here is the Truth, Now what are you going to do about it?"
Again I cry, Grace Lord! I cannot make it another step without you!
And again, He is faithful to remind me; "I AM always with you. I have never left you. I will never leave you. Rest in this, and let us go out together."
No comments:
Post a Comment