And the word of the day is HELLLP!

So here forth is the story of my day thus far....
And let me caution the reader, there are things that happen in this blog that are not really awesome, and just because I'm at a place like IHOP dose not mean that I am Really Super Holy-- it means that God gets to show me all the junk in my heart and when it comes up its like "WHAT IS THAT THING?!!?!"

Today started with the ending of a night in which I spent much time looking at the clock... and mustering up the courage to venture out of bed and into the shower....
I don't know if it's just me, but I get those days were you wake up and your like, "I've got today, we are going to crack down and get things done." and then life proceeds to whip you, trip you, and shove your face in the snow... that would be today. Also helped my the sinful nature of my own heart, which for some reason has decided to make itself unavoidable.

Maybe it is because I did not speak yesterday, and I spent all that time seeing close of up how much evil there really is in my heart-- how much sin, how much stuff I would rather just Not deal with. But when you are trapped in your own head, it's hard to get away from.

Anyway, back to today. My voice is coming back, but I tend to break out in spontaneous coughing so hard that I start gagging, which is not much fun... and Not when you happen to be driving...
Oh, so I gear all up for the day in my mind, give myself a mini pep talk and put of my favorite shoes that make me happy, open the door to go to breakfast.... and it is snowing outside.
Close door, change shoes, and already my heart is reacting badly... grumble grumble grumble...
I have an early class at 3:20 (which is roughly like 6am to me) and have to drive over... so rush rush rush... and I get to drive our apartment. (we take turns and that is awesome, but snow is not quite my fav. thing...) So slipping and sliding on the road and I let out a word that.... well... it's not quite normal to hear around here... it's more like a factory or landscaping word..... OOPS....

Class was amazing and I have ton and a half of new things to learn... Every day it seems like I seem how I have not ever scratched the surface of all there is to learn and all that I really Really need to know.
I'm just so challenged by everything right now.

I really through track 1 was hard, and it was, it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life....
and well, track 2 is on a different level.... and so far has been the hardest thing that I've ever done... and I'm not even a month in yet....

Not to much more has happened in my day for this is like late-early morning, but did have change to slip that word out again.... I feel so bad for my roomies that they have to live life with me while all this junk is getting shown in my heart.

I just never realized in life how much bitterness, anger, resentment, jealousy, spitefulness, and EVERYTHING ELSE-- is in my heart, and HAS BEEN....
The more I look at God the more I see how HOLY He is, and how Unholy I really am.
So my cry today (and every day) is HELP!
And He is faithful to help, THANK GOODNESS! It is painful, but He is not content to leave me here, but take me through the valleys and dark places in my heart so that I may be more like Him.

But by Grace alone. Without grace, I would still be in bed. Thank you God for Grace.
Every day I will come to your throne of Grace and lay myself down, and say, "I am not moving from here, I need you."
Grace give me the grace to do this.
I love you.
<3