Hey! Another quick update! SOOooooo I have 4 1/2 days left here in KC and then back home! It's so crazy that time has gone by so fast, I feel like I have known everyone here for ages, yet am still getting to know them! All of my roommates and I are going on to track 2 so that will be loads of fun, although we don't know if we will be placed in the same apartment next track--what can I say but God is good, and if we are with new people, we will learn how to handle new things!
I'm just about to go and have group pictures taken with all of our track, and then off to the Prayer Room! Tomorrow we are having a Christmas party at our apartment, and wishing fair-well to those who are leaving early... it's just crazy that things are winding down, yet God is teaching so me so much!
I'm treasuring my hours in the prayer room and it's just so crazy. Part of my mind feel like I'm leaving tomorrow and is ready to, and the other part of my mind feel like I am going to be here forever and wishes never to leave...
I'm so thankful for the God that is always with me, the One who is coming home with me and will always be with me! I'm so excited about having life with God, no matter where I go or what happens, He will always be here, holding my hand and speaking into my life. I am so blessed to have this time sit and fellowship with God and not be working or going to school.
There is just so much to catch up on when I get home...
I love you all and am lifting you up in prayer!
God bless you!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
In the coffee shop
Well here I am again, sitting in Higher Grounds and thinking of the time lift here at IHOP. About a week from now I will be on my way home, and then back again for Track 2!
It's so crazy when things start to come to an end... today I had my last E-12 group, which was my first last class, and then another last class tonight in Excellencies of Christ. It's so weird, the feeling is like that one when you realized that you are done with High School or you are done with another year of college, that feeling of "Where did all the time go?" and just think.... six months from NOW, I will be almost 20 years old. Time is just such a crazy thing.... I'm glad we have it for as the saying goes, "it keeps everything for happening at once," but I feel like the older I am getting the less and less time there is between things happening.
I mean, wow, I've been out of school for almost two years, most of my friend are in college, my sister has kids and WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE? It seems like yesterday I was still playing in the woods, getting ready with my friends for prom, graduation, moving out, getting my first job on my own, driving here, three months, and total change in my life... and who knows what next?
I feel like I'm going to blink one day and I will have kids with kids and it's just CRAzY!
Oh my goodness, God is so good. I'm so glad He is here with me, holding my hand, never to leave me. I'm just so thankful, I've spent many years trying to be all that I need. I remember how scary life is when you are looking to yourself to fill all your needs and take care of you. God has been working on me as I have been here, that He really don't have it all under control and if I just follow His lead, He will take care of me. And His care is So much better. There is such freedom in not being "in control," not that I'm perfect of anything. There are still many times throughout the day when I want to take the lead, but He is faithful to always pull be back to Himself, and pick me up after I fall...
Thank you so much God! For loving me and being so faithful to us All!
I'm looking forward to seeing you all so SOON!!! Know that I am praying for you!
God bless you all!
LOVE!!!
It's so crazy when things start to come to an end... today I had my last E-12 group, which was my first last class, and then another last class tonight in Excellencies of Christ. It's so weird, the feeling is like that one when you realized that you are done with High School or you are done with another year of college, that feeling of "Where did all the time go?" and just think.... six months from NOW, I will be almost 20 years old. Time is just such a crazy thing.... I'm glad we have it for as the saying goes, "it keeps everything for happening at once," but I feel like the older I am getting the less and less time there is between things happening.
I mean, wow, I've been out of school for almost two years, most of my friend are in college, my sister has kids and WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE? It seems like yesterday I was still playing in the woods, getting ready with my friends for prom, graduation, moving out, getting my first job on my own, driving here, three months, and total change in my life... and who knows what next?
I feel like I'm going to blink one day and I will have kids with kids and it's just CRAzY!
I've have been realizing how short life is, and that life really is just a vapor, just a moment on the grand view of everything. But He cares how we spend it.... and He is here with each one of us right now. He cares about every little thing in our lives. That just blows my mind away... He is so big and we are so small, yet He counts us worthy of love and time. He is just so awesome. These seem like just normal things, but man, when you stop to really think about it-- my mind cannot ever wrap itself around such a "normal" thing...
Oh my goodness, God is so good. I'm so glad He is here with me, holding my hand, never to leave me. I'm just so thankful, I've spent many years trying to be all that I need. I remember how scary life is when you are looking to yourself to fill all your needs and take care of you. God has been working on me as I have been here, that He really don't have it all under control and if I just follow His lead, He will take care of me. And His care is So much better. There is such freedom in not being "in control," not that I'm perfect of anything. There are still many times throughout the day when I want to take the lead, but He is faithful to always pull be back to Himself, and pick me up after I fall...
Thank you so much God! For loving me and being so faithful to us All!
I'm looking forward to seeing you all so SOON!!! Know that I am praying for you!
God bless you all!
LOVE!!!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
few days left and I had a lot of coffee...
I have once again not written in a while, but things have really spead up since my last post. It's only a few days left of Track one of Fire in the Night. And it is ligit now, I'm coming back on Jan. 5th for Track two!
Today is my Sabbath, and I went with my apartment to see the Voage of the Dawn Treader! Which happen to be one of the best Narnia books... and they did a pretty decent job on it! (Not that I would not have done some things differently, but better than the first two)
And yes, things with God have picked up two, not a day goes by where He does not show me a new facet of His heart or something that needs some work in my heart... but He is good, and if there is one thing that I have learned from this entire three months that will stick with me for the rest of my life it is this-- His leadership is perfect. I know I talked about that in my last post, but I'm realizing it's truth.
Each day is a new adventure of leaning more and more on Him, I'm not all the way there yet, but He is faithful and truth. He will see this work completed.
I'll be sad to leave the prayer room and the awesome community here, but I am so Happy to be going home for a bit! Time to see friends and family and catch up on all that God has been doing.
Truthfully, I'll also be glad to come Back to IHOP for anther three months....
I have been doing so much growing here, and so much changing as I am understanding the True love of the Father, and how He made me to be the real me... that I need some time to really be established.
I have heard people compare it to concrete-- Track one lays the foundation, breaks down the walls and turns you into wet cement. Then in Track two you harden and start living out the changes in your life.
In Track two I will get to work with Hope City-- which is a inner city ministry, CEC-- the care of young kids, and Samuel Company-- which is working with other kids, there are some of the different branches of IHOP's ministry.
Well, I had better start getting things together to pack up... and I look forward to seeing your faces and giving you all! (Ya'll thanks to Aly!)
I love you all!
Blessings!
Today is my Sabbath, and I went with my apartment to see the Voage of the Dawn Treader! Which happen to be one of the best Narnia books... and they did a pretty decent job on it! (Not that I would not have done some things differently, but better than the first two)
And yes, things with God have picked up two, not a day goes by where He does not show me a new facet of His heart or something that needs some work in my heart... but He is good, and if there is one thing that I have learned from this entire three months that will stick with me for the rest of my life it is this-- His leadership is perfect. I know I talked about that in my last post, but I'm realizing it's truth.
Each day is a new adventure of leaning more and more on Him, I'm not all the way there yet, but He is faithful and truth. He will see this work completed.
I'll be sad to leave the prayer room and the awesome community here, but I am so Happy to be going home for a bit! Time to see friends and family and catch up on all that God has been doing.
Truthfully, I'll also be glad to come Back to IHOP for anther three months....
I have been doing so much growing here, and so much changing as I am understanding the True love of the Father, and how He made me to be the real me... that I need some time to really be established.
I have heard people compare it to concrete-- Track one lays the foundation, breaks down the walls and turns you into wet cement. Then in Track two you harden and start living out the changes in your life.
In Track two I will get to work with Hope City-- which is a inner city ministry, CEC-- the care of young kids, and Samuel Company-- which is working with other kids, there are some of the different branches of IHOP's ministry.
Well, I had better start getting things together to pack up... and I look forward to seeing your faces and giving you all! (Ya'll thanks to Aly!)
I love you all!
Blessings!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Two weeks left and God is good
I have roughly two weeks left here in Track one of Fire In The Night. Today I realized just how beautiful it is to have this time set aside from normal life to really seek the face of this God who is worthy of Everything.
It is Sunday and I spent several hours in good conversation with two other interns, and then went to the prayer room. As I sat there listening to worship and resting in the presence of God, I had a revelation. This revelation was more of a summation of many of the things I have learned in the this time here at IHOP. I realized that I don't want to spend a life not caring, or caring about getting everything perfect and it finally clicked in my heart-- God is worthy of it all. He is worthy my whole life. Even if other people give me weird looks and say, "you spent 3 months sitting in a room for 6 hours a night talking to and worshiping a God that you cannot see? are you crazy? Why don't you actually DO something??"
I'm getting to the place where I am okay with having this response, in fact, I'm Excited that I get to do this! In Fact! I'll probably do it for another 3 months!!
Another things I realized-- how fearful I have been in life, I have been afraid to make on wrong move-- no, I cannot say that or do that I could hurt someone's feelings and then they won't like me anymore... what if I make the wrong choice in life and then God gets angry with me... what if, what if.
but the truth of the matter is this:
I love God, God Loves Me, therefore I am successful.
That is a quote I have heard often here at IHOP, but I have never really understood it... but I'm starting to.
God is with me. Who shall I fear? God loves me, what love should I be afraid of losing? God will Always be with me, why should I fear being abandoned? God will provide for me, why should I worry? God is leading me and His leadership in Perfect.
That's not just a song, it is Truth. Why should I fret and worry for tomorrow?
Look at the Birds-- Carefree in the Care of God.
That is my goal in life. I'm going to start taking God at His word and stepping out on faith. I don't always feel His with me, but He promised so I will take that promise and walk it out.
I have had a problem with hope for a while-- I figured if I would just not hope, then I would not ever get hurt.
But God, being a God of mercy, grace and healing is showing me that true hope is found in Him.
When I realized that God really does love me, all sorts of healing started in my heart. Now, trust and hope seem more like things I can do.. For God holds my heart in His hand and when I place my hope in Him, I will not be let down. Yes, it may not always look like what I wanted, but it will Always be perfect. He will always lead me if I will but listen and follow.
Oh He is just so good.
I have been reading 1 John, and it is blowing my mind. I realize how I have never truly understood what Love really is. And I have the best teacher in the Whole World ('cause He made it!).
Every day is a new adventure!
It is Sunday and I spent several hours in good conversation with two other interns, and then went to the prayer room. As I sat there listening to worship and resting in the presence of God, I had a revelation. This revelation was more of a summation of many of the things I have learned in the this time here at IHOP. I realized that I don't want to spend a life not caring, or caring about getting everything perfect and it finally clicked in my heart-- God is worthy of it all. He is worthy my whole life. Even if other people give me weird looks and say, "you spent 3 months sitting in a room for 6 hours a night talking to and worshiping a God that you cannot see? are you crazy? Why don't you actually DO something??"
I'm getting to the place where I am okay with having this response, in fact, I'm Excited that I get to do this! In Fact! I'll probably do it for another 3 months!!
Another things I realized-- how fearful I have been in life, I have been afraid to make on wrong move-- no, I cannot say that or do that I could hurt someone's feelings and then they won't like me anymore... what if I make the wrong choice in life and then God gets angry with me... what if, what if.
but the truth of the matter is this:
I love God, God Loves Me, therefore I am successful.
That is a quote I have heard often here at IHOP, but I have never really understood it... but I'm starting to.
God is with me. Who shall I fear? God loves me, what love should I be afraid of losing? God will Always be with me, why should I fear being abandoned? God will provide for me, why should I worry? God is leading me and His leadership in Perfect.
That's not just a song, it is Truth. Why should I fret and worry for tomorrow?
Look at the Birds-- Carefree in the Care of God.
That is my goal in life. I'm going to start taking God at His word and stepping out on faith. I don't always feel His with me, but He promised so I will take that promise and walk it out.
I have had a problem with hope for a while-- I figured if I would just not hope, then I would not ever get hurt.
But God, being a God of mercy, grace and healing is showing me that true hope is found in Him.
When I realized that God really does love me, all sorts of healing started in my heart. Now, trust and hope seem more like things I can do.. For God holds my heart in His hand and when I place my hope in Him, I will not be let down. Yes, it may not always look like what I wanted, but it will Always be perfect. He will always lead me if I will but listen and follow.
Oh He is just so good.
I have been reading 1 John, and it is blowing my mind. I realize how I have never truly understood what Love really is. And I have the best teacher in the Whole World ('cause He made it!).
Every day is a new adventure!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
My how time goes by and how coffee is wonderful
Here I am again! Hello all!
It is once again Sabbath which means it is Sunday and that it is my day of rest. I have only the 4-6 set on my schedule.
It has been a low-key days so far, with lots of sleeping being done and some laundry tossed in just to spice everything up. My roommates and I are probably going to get a Christmas tree at some point... Aly who is from Texas cannot wait for there to be snow, since she has not lived in snow for some years. Ty (Tyesha), Martha and are also getting excited... but my, I don't think I have ever seen anyone who loves Christmas as much as Aly does. It is quite beautiful.
Anyway, I'm a little bit more than random today, but that could be because I have not yet had my coffee, and I have a whole pot of Awesome homemade chai tea in the fridge.
I am still waiting on direction, but it is looking more and more likely every day that I will be heading back to IHOP and Fire In The Night in January for track 2. Oh goodness... you should all got to IHOP.org and watch the Prayer Room from 4 to 7.... because from 6 to 7 we had crazy anointed worship and it was just beautiful... I mean the Nightwatch stayed for an extra hour or two because we could just not leave!
God is teaching me every day that His leadership is perfect and how to lean into Him for everything. I never realized how I have lived my life as if I could do it all with just a little help from God every now and again... but really I can do nothing without God. And it is a wonderful thing. I have so much more peace and hope knowing that I don't have to be "self-made" in fact, it is God doing everything! I just keep stumbling across these amazing Psalms that just strike to the core of my being... and God is just so good.
I'll not lie, there have been seriously hard Hard days where all I want to do is go home and not deal with my life... but God has been there. He has used every hard bad day to draw me closer into His heart and to make me more and more like Jesus Christ.
I am so thankful for this time in my life. God has surrounded me with wonderful roommates who really are a blessing from God, and awesome leaders who understand where I am and encourage me to dive deeper and deeper in God. AHHH I love you God! You are so Good!
It is crazy to think that I have three weeks left.... Time has gone my so fast, yet it feels like I have been here for Years! I'm so Excited to see all of you wonderful awesome loved people when I come home for Christmas!
LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!
<3
It is once again Sabbath which means it is Sunday and that it is my day of rest. I have only the 4-6 set on my schedule.
It has been a low-key days so far, with lots of sleeping being done and some laundry tossed in just to spice everything up. My roommates and I are probably going to get a Christmas tree at some point... Aly who is from Texas cannot wait for there to be snow, since she has not lived in snow for some years. Ty (Tyesha), Martha and are also getting excited... but my, I don't think I have ever seen anyone who loves Christmas as much as Aly does. It is quite beautiful.
Anyway, I'm a little bit more than random today, but that could be because I have not yet had my coffee, and I have a whole pot of Awesome homemade chai tea in the fridge.
I am still waiting on direction, but it is looking more and more likely every day that I will be heading back to IHOP and Fire In The Night in January for track 2. Oh goodness... you should all got to IHOP.org and watch the Prayer Room from 4 to 7.... because from 6 to 7 we had crazy anointed worship and it was just beautiful... I mean the Nightwatch stayed for an extra hour or two because we could just not leave!
God is teaching me every day that His leadership is perfect and how to lean into Him for everything. I never realized how I have lived my life as if I could do it all with just a little help from God every now and again... but really I can do nothing without God. And it is a wonderful thing. I have so much more peace and hope knowing that I don't have to be "self-made" in fact, it is God doing everything! I just keep stumbling across these amazing Psalms that just strike to the core of my being... and God is just so good.
I'll not lie, there have been seriously hard Hard days where all I want to do is go home and not deal with my life... but God has been there. He has used every hard bad day to draw me closer into His heart and to make me more and more like Jesus Christ.
I am so thankful for this time in my life. God has surrounded me with wonderful roommates who really are a blessing from God, and awesome leaders who understand where I am and encourage me to dive deeper and deeper in God. AHHH I love you God! You are so Good!
It is crazy to think that I have three weeks left.... Time has gone my so fast, yet it feels like I have been here for Years! I'm so Excited to see all of you wonderful awesome loved people when I come home for Christmas!
LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!
<3
Friday, November 26, 2010
why hello early
Hello! it is very early for me.... it is 3 pm and I only dragged myself out of bed for breakfast and came here to give you an update... and then back to bed... Since it is the day after Thanksgiving they moved classes from 6 to 9pm so we could all do some more sleeping/actually doing something.
It's funny, I got out of the Prayer Room last night and realized that exactly a year ago I was already at work at Kohl's... and now a year later, I am praying and spending time with God as my main occupation. Which I have to say is Awesome and beats out working at Kohl's (or anywhere).
Every day is a new adventure in growing... yesterday I was struck by the Beatitudes (Matt. 5-7, Luke 6-7) and it was rather crazy. I've read a lot of book and heard many sermons about living your life out in this way, but man, last night God hit it home in my heart. And all I can pray is that God will pour out His grace upon my life so that I conform my life to His direction! It seems like a hard thing, but I'm excited...
God is good. Every "day" for me is a blessing and a promise.... When I get overwhelmed and start to forget that God is good and He is working, I go outside and I see the stars. Like the song-- When I look at the stars I see someone else, when I look at the stars I feel like myself---- (good ol'switchfoot)
They are burning constant reminders and God is with me and He really does care. He has His hand upon my life, and Hears my every whisper and cry. It is crazy to realize that God really DOES ALL the things He says He will. We are so used to walking through life and not taking people's words "to the bank" we never really take them to be 100% serious about backing up what they say.
But then you have God. And He means Every Single Word He has said. He assures us to take every word to the bank and back again. He is the God who is Unchanging and Awesome. Not only is He so great and Holy, but He does not stand back and not get involved in our lives for fear of getting dirty.
No, our God is a God who stoops down to make us great (psalm 18) and one who listens for our every cry. He is loving. He is caring. He is just. He is all-powerful. He is gentle. He is so much more than I can really understand. He is the God worth living for.
And I love you all. So very much. can you tell I have not had my coffee yet?
Oh well, love to you all. I pray that you may take God at His word a little bit more today and that you will be "Carefree in the Care of God" --Matt.6 something in the Message
LOOOOOOOOOVE!
It's funny, I got out of the Prayer Room last night and realized that exactly a year ago I was already at work at Kohl's... and now a year later, I am praying and spending time with God as my main occupation. Which I have to say is Awesome and beats out working at Kohl's (or anywhere).
Every day is a new adventure in growing... yesterday I was struck by the Beatitudes (Matt. 5-7, Luke 6-7) and it was rather crazy. I've read a lot of book and heard many sermons about living your life out in this way, but man, last night God hit it home in my heart. And all I can pray is that God will pour out His grace upon my life so that I conform my life to His direction! It seems like a hard thing, but I'm excited...
God is good. Every "day" for me is a blessing and a promise.... When I get overwhelmed and start to forget that God is good and He is working, I go outside and I see the stars. Like the song-- When I look at the stars I see someone else, when I look at the stars I feel like myself---- (good ol'switchfoot)
They are burning constant reminders and God is with me and He really does care. He has His hand upon my life, and Hears my every whisper and cry. It is crazy to realize that God really DOES ALL the things He says He will. We are so used to walking through life and not taking people's words "to the bank" we never really take them to be 100% serious about backing up what they say.
But then you have God. And He means Every Single Word He has said. He assures us to take every word to the bank and back again. He is the God who is Unchanging and Awesome. Not only is He so great and Holy, but He does not stand back and not get involved in our lives for fear of getting dirty.
No, our God is a God who stoops down to make us great (psalm 18) and one who listens for our every cry. He is loving. He is caring. He is just. He is all-powerful. He is gentle. He is so much more than I can really understand. He is the God worth living for.
And I love you all. So very much. can you tell I have not had my coffee yet?
Oh well, love to you all. I pray that you may take God at His word a little bit more today and that you will be "Carefree in the Care of God" --Matt.6 something in the Message
LOOOOOOOOOVE!
Monday, November 22, 2010
update! ...and coffee...
HEY! So I've been really busy and have not had a chance to update ya'll! (as my wonderful room mate would say...)
Right now I'm in-between lunch and class and then off to the Prayer room from Midnight to 6!
God is really awesome! He has been teaching me many lessons, not all of them very fun. The biggest thing that He is teaching me right now is who I am in Him. I realize that I have gone through much of my life pretending to be someone I am not. God is slowly showing me who I really am, and how to be that person (the one that He made, not the illusion I created) around other people.
Also, I will be coming home for Christmas, but as still unsure what will happen after that. God and I are still talking about if I am doing Track 2 or not. I believe I will find that out in the next week or so...
YeAh! So I love you all very much. And I'm praying for you. Know that I love you even though I am not there with you right now, and I'm excited to hear what God has been doing in your life!
Pray that God will make He will known in my life!
LOVE LOVE LOVE!
Right now I'm in-between lunch and class and then off to the Prayer room from Midnight to 6!
God is really awesome! He has been teaching me many lessons, not all of them very fun. The biggest thing that He is teaching me right now is who I am in Him. I realize that I have gone through much of my life pretending to be someone I am not. God is slowly showing me who I really am, and how to be that person (the one that He made, not the illusion I created) around other people.
Also, I will be coming home for Christmas, but as still unsure what will happen after that. God and I are still talking about if I am doing Track 2 or not. I believe I will find that out in the next week or so...
YeAh! So I love you all very much. And I'm praying for you. Know that I love you even though I am not there with you right now, and I'm excited to hear what God has been doing in your life!
Pray that God will make He will known in my life!
LOVE LOVE LOVE!
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