I have roughly two weeks left here in Track one of Fire In The Night. Today I realized just how beautiful it is to have this time set aside from normal life to really seek the face of this God who is worthy of Everything.
It is Sunday and I spent several hours in good conversation with two other interns, and then went to the prayer room. As I sat there listening to worship and resting in the presence of God, I had a revelation. This revelation was more of a summation of many of the things I have learned in the this time here at IHOP. I realized that I don't want to spend a life not caring, or caring about getting everything perfect and it finally clicked in my heart-- God is worthy of it all. He is worthy my whole life. Even if other people give me weird looks and say, "you spent 3 months sitting in a room for 6 hours a night talking to and worshiping a God that you cannot see? are you crazy? Why don't you actually DO something??"
I'm getting to the place where I am okay with having this response, in fact, I'm Excited that I get to do this! In Fact! I'll probably do it for another 3 months!!
Another things I realized-- how fearful I have been in life, I have been afraid to make on wrong move-- no, I cannot say that or do that I could hurt someone's feelings and then they won't like me anymore... what if I make the wrong choice in life and then God gets angry with me... what if, what if.
but the truth of the matter is this:
I love God, God Loves Me, therefore I am successful.
That is a quote I have heard often here at IHOP, but I have never really understood it... but I'm starting to.
God is with me. Who shall I fear? God loves me, what love should I be afraid of losing? God will Always be with me, why should I fear being abandoned? God will provide for me, why should I worry? God is leading me and His leadership in Perfect.
That's not just a song, it is Truth. Why should I fret and worry for tomorrow?
Look at the Birds-- Carefree in the Care of God.
That is my goal in life. I'm going to start taking God at His word and stepping out on faith. I don't always feel His with me, but He promised so I will take that promise and walk it out.
I have had a problem with hope for a while-- I figured if I would just not hope, then I would not ever get hurt.
But God, being a God of mercy, grace and healing is showing me that true hope is found in Him.
When I realized that God really does love me, all sorts of healing started in my heart. Now, trust and hope seem more like things I can do.. For God holds my heart in His hand and when I place my hope in Him, I will not be let down. Yes, it may not always look like what I wanted, but it will Always be perfect. He will always lead me if I will but listen and follow.
Oh He is just so good.
I have been reading 1 John, and it is blowing my mind. I realize how I have never truly understood what Love really is. And I have the best teacher in the Whole World ('cause He made it!).
Every day is a new adventure!
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