Home, Christmas and Coffee

It is Christmas morning and my family is all together, huddled around the two newest members... Joshua and Noah Stein! They were 8 weeks old yesterday, and I have spent much time rocking, holding and walking them around. These two boys are just the littles wonders I have seen... such little people, who will grow up and have lives of their own, but for now they cry and laugh and are totally dependent.

God has been awakening love for my two little nephews, and that in it self is a very special thing. Not to long ago I was not very fond of children let alone babies. But they smile and me and my heart melts, even when they are crying my heart goes out.... I'm looking forward to watching these little ones grow and pour into their lives. I will gladly embrace the title of, "Aunt Hannah" even though I'm sure when they start talking will be changed to something else. God thank you for these beautiful boys!
(it's great too! The pacing I learned from the prayer room sure comes in handy when calming a crying boy!)

Each day I'm realizing how different I have become and how I have no idea what life will hold. But again and again I am reminded that God is leading me and He is taking care.
Yes, the passing of one season to another is very painful and scary, but I know the One who made it all and who has never left me and never will. Through all the changes I am still holding onto Hope and the vision of what will be. It is like the song says, "I know the end of the story, I come up from the wilderness leaning on my Beloved." That is what keeps me going.

I am so glad for another season at IHOP, and that the presence of God has never left me. I am learning to be content with His as my all and all.  I see all the growing to be done and I am excited for the journey...
and everything I find to say sounds like a trite saying, but let me assure you and me... that God is working in my life and He is good.

So have a Merry Christmas, and know that you have my love and the Unfailing Love of the Father!
<3

Crazy! maybe it's the coffee talking....

Hey! So this is crazy two posts in one day! but I got tired of cleaning and am taking a break.
Well, news for ya'll-- I'm starting to like Christmas, which if you know now me is totally a God thing... and yeah, I'm not drinking as much coffee anymore, but that is mainly because I've packed it all up for now...
But Yeah. I've got my clothes all set out for the next few days and most everything all packed up!
I'm not sure how much I will post while I am home, but will try.... but then I wonder what the point is, for most of the people who have been reading my blog are ones that I have been around while out here, like my family, but who knows. I really like having a blog, for it's somewhere to get thoughts out, and is a whole lot easier to keep in contact with people while I'm not in the same place!
Who knows, maybe I'll go a'traviling and keep the blog going.. that would be really fun!
Anyway, my Martha is calling to me and then I should get really and get BeaUtiFuL!
Heehehee....
God bless you all!!
LOVe

Here I am

Here I am!
I cannot believe FINT is almost over! But that God, He is making the most of the time left, and it's not like He's leaving me till I come back to KC... ;) Which I'm really thankful for!
Well, today I am cleaning and finishing the very last of my packing, then we have a banquet tonight! (I'm pretty excited! I look like a bum right now, but I'll get all pretty-fied later! and I really will... I bought heels and everything!)
So YeAh! God is good and  time has flown. I'm enjoying every moment here with my lovely people here, and looking forward to coming home and seeing all you lovely people!
I just want to give God a shout-out, for He is good and He provides for all the needs of His people. He has heard my prayers and my cries and He is not silent.
He is good and He is faithful, and I am so THNAKFUL! He has been telling me about Himself, His beautiful nature--and for the first time ever-- my heart has been learning about Him and not just my head!
God you are AWESOME!
People I'm excited to see you!
LOVE TO YOU ALL!

Real quick and Starbucks rocks...

Hey! Another quick update! SOOooooo I have 4 1/2 days left here in KC and then back home! It's so crazy that time has gone by so fast, I feel like I have known everyone here for ages, yet am still getting to know them! All of my roommates and I are going on to track 2 so that will be loads of fun, although we don't know if we will be placed in the same apartment next track--what can I say but God is good, and if we are with new people, we will learn how to handle new things!
I'm just about to go and have group pictures taken with all of our track, and then off to the Prayer Room! Tomorrow we are having a Christmas party at our apartment, and wishing fair-well to those who are leaving early... it's just crazy that things are winding down, yet God is teaching so me so much!
I'm treasuring my hours in the prayer room and it's just so crazy. Part of my mind feel like I'm leaving tomorrow and is ready to, and the other part of my mind feel like I am going to be here forever and wishes never to leave...
I'm so thankful for the God that is always with me, the One who is coming home with me and will always be with me! I'm so excited about having life with God, no matter where I go or what happens, He will always be here, holding my hand and speaking into my life. I am so blessed to have this time sit and fellowship with God and not be working or going to school.
There is just so much to catch up on when I get home...
I love you all and am lifting you up in prayer!
God bless you!

In the coffee shop

Well here I am again, sitting in Higher Grounds and thinking of the time lift here at IHOP. About a week from now I will be on my way home, and then back again for Track 2!

It's so crazy when things start to come to an end... today I had my last E-12 group, which was my first last class, and then another last class tonight in Excellencies of Christ. It's so weird, the feeling is like that one when you realized that you are done with High School or you are done with another year of college, that feeling of "Where did all the time go?" and just think.... six months from NOW, I will be almost 20 years old. Time is just such a crazy thing.... I'm glad we have it for as the saying goes, "it keeps everything for happening at once," but I feel like the older I am getting the less and less time there is between things happening.

I mean, wow, I've been out of school for almost two years, most of my friend are in college, my sister has kids and WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE? It seems like yesterday I was still playing in the woods, getting ready with my friends for prom, graduation, moving out, getting my first job on my own, driving here, three months, and total change in my life... and who knows what next?
I feel like I'm going to blink one day and I will have kids with kids and it's just CRAzY!

I've have been realizing how short life is, and that life really is just a vapor, just a moment on the grand view of everything. But He cares how we spend it.... and He is here with each one of us right now. He cares about every little thing in our lives. That just blows my mind away... He is so big and we are so small, yet He counts us worthy of love and time. He is just so awesome. These seem like just normal things, but man, when you stop to really think about it-- my mind cannot ever wrap itself around such a "normal" thing...

Oh my goodness, God is so good. I'm so glad He is here with me, holding my hand, never to leave me. I'm just so thankful, I've spent many years trying to be all that I need. I remember how scary life is when you are looking to yourself to fill all your needs and take care of you. God has been working on me as I have been here, that He really don't have it all under control and if I just follow His lead, He will take care of me. And His care is So much better. There is such freedom in not being "in control," not that I'm perfect of anything. There are still many times throughout the day when I want to take the lead, but He is faithful to always pull be back to Himself, and pick me up after I fall...


Thank you so much God! For loving me and being so faithful to us All!
I'm looking forward to seeing you all so SOON!!! Know that I am praying for you!
God bless you all!
LOVE!!!

few days left and I had a lot of coffee...

I have once again not written in a while, but things have really spead up since my last post. It's only a few days left of Track one of Fire in the Night. And it is ligit now, I'm coming back on Jan. 5th for Track two!
Today is my Sabbath, and I went with my apartment to see the Voage of the Dawn Treader! Which happen to be one of the best Narnia books... and they did a pretty decent job on it! (Not that I would not have done some things differently, but better than the first two)

And yes, things with God have picked up two, not a day goes by where He does not show me a new facet of His heart or something that needs some work in my heart... but He is good, and if there is one thing that I have learned from this entire three months that will stick with me for the rest of my life it is this-- His leadership is perfect. I know I talked about that in my last post, but I'm realizing it's truth.
Each day is a new adventure of leaning more and more on Him, I'm not all the way there yet, but He is faithful and truth. He will see this work completed.

I'll be sad to leave the prayer room and the awesome community here, but I am so Happy to be going home for a bit! Time to see friends and family and catch up on all that God has been doing.
Truthfully, I'll also be glad to come Back to IHOP for anther three months....
I have been doing so much growing here, and so much changing as I am understanding the True love of the Father, and how He made me to be the real me... that I need some time to really be established.
I have heard people compare it to concrete-- Track one lays the foundation, breaks down the walls and turns you into wet cement. Then in Track two you harden and start living out the changes in your life.
In Track two I will get to work with Hope City-- which is a inner city ministry, CEC-- the care of young kids, and Samuel Company-- which is working with other kids, there are some of the different branches of IHOP's ministry.

Well, I had better start getting things together to pack up... and I look forward to seeing your faces and giving you all! (Ya'll thanks to Aly!)
I love you all!
Blessings!

Two weeks left and God is good

I have roughly two weeks left here in Track one of Fire In The Night. Today I realized just how beautiful it is to have this time set aside from normal life to really seek the face of this God who is worthy of Everything.
It is Sunday and I spent several hours in good conversation with two other interns, and then went to the prayer room. As I sat there listening to worship and resting in the presence of God, I had a revelation. This revelation was more of a summation of many of the things I have learned in the this time here at IHOP. I realized that I don't want to spend a life not caring, or caring about getting everything perfect and it finally clicked in my heart-- God is worthy of it all. He is worthy my whole life. Even if other people give me weird looks and say, "you spent 3 months sitting in a room for 6 hours a night talking to and worshiping a God that you cannot see? are you crazy? Why don't you actually DO something??"
I'm getting to the place where I am okay with having this response, in fact, I'm Excited that I get to do this! In Fact! I'll probably do it for another 3 months!!
Another things I realized-- how fearful I have been in life, I have been afraid to make on wrong move-- no, I cannot say that or do that I could hurt someone's feelings and then they won't like me anymore... what if I make the wrong choice in life and then God gets angry with me... what if, what if.
but the truth of the matter is this:

I love God, God Loves Me, therefore I am successful.

That is a quote I have heard often here at IHOP, but I have never really understood it... but I'm starting to.

God is with me. Who shall I fear? God loves me, what love should I be afraid of losing? God will Always be with me, why should I fear being abandoned? God will provide for me, why should I worry? God is leading me and His leadership in Perfect.
That's not just a song, it is Truth. Why should I fret and worry for tomorrow?
Look at the Birds-- Carefree in the Care of God.
That is my goal in life. I'm going to start taking God at His word and stepping out on faith. I don't always feel His with me, but He promised so I will take that promise and walk it out.
I have had a problem with hope for a while-- I figured if I would just not hope, then I would not ever get hurt.
But God, being a God of mercy, grace and healing is showing me that true hope is found in Him.
When I realized that God really does love me, all sorts of healing started in my heart. Now, trust and hope seem more like things I can do.. For God holds my heart in His hand and when I place my hope in Him, I will not be let down. Yes, it may not always look like what I wanted, but it will Always be perfect. He will always lead me if I will but listen and follow.
Oh He is just so good.
I have been reading 1 John, and it is blowing my mind. I realize how I have never truly understood what Love really is. And I have the best teacher in the Whole World ('cause He made it!).
Every day is a new adventure!