I know, random title. but it's something close to the way I am feeling. True, it does help that I am Wearing deep purple, and it is growing into evening dark.
Things in life just keep on changing, growing, and moving on. This year is almost over and I'm trying to dream with God about what life could look like. I always love to talk as if I am fond of dreaming and wondering what could be--but the truth is, it is uncomfortable. For dreams are hope painted pictures. And hope itself is a scary thing. It is based upon trust and faith. Which are in turn hard.
I'm in this interesting place between total restlessness with where I am now, and fear of the unknown. I cannot wait to see who I turn into, but the idea of changing without knowing in advance who I will be... that causes me to pause and wonder how bad it would be just to stay here in complacency.
But God is faithful. Always has been. And always will be. He has started (in answer to many a prayer I almost regret now ;) a holy fire of discontent of the status quo and desire of what will be.
I get excited when I think about the strange and crazy things that I could be doing for God. About being a vagabond for Him; willing to go where He calls and be His hands and feet.
When I think like that I get exited.
Because He is so good.
And in all reality.
Life is nothing without Him.
So even through the fears and the doubts of the unknown, I'll keep praying those dangerous prayers of: "Shake me, form me, don't let me become complacent. Lord. I'm all yours. Here I am. Send me."
